The alarm is warning!!!!

I was ab-fuck-solutely losing my mind.

When anyone in the lab was assigned a task and a research direction except me in this meeting with our tutor, I pretended nothing. But inside of heart, a black hole was inflating and swallowing every feeling leaving the one called helplessness. So I asked the professor about mine, “you decide yourself”, he answered. Then the helpless feeling gave way to restlessness. I am grade two this year, the opening speech is impending in another words. Nevertheless I do not have any idea what I am supposed to do at all.

I am losing my mind right now.

Maybe at the first time I came to the lab, he wanted to let me die by myself without even a glance. Or from his perspective, I have too much course to assign any more missions. Anyway, in retrospect, I indeed abandon myself in watching excessive movies and playing PC games. He did even offer me a mission, one year passed, I already left it behind my memory in a long time ago. I cannot blame him for anything. It’s me that deserve the bitter fruit I once seed myself.

From now on, I have to count on myself. Several days ago, Xu Wei said flatly that no one in the world can be trusted, all by self. For the sake of courtesy, I smiled. However at this moment, I think I understand him. The words he said is not a complaint negatively. Instead, it’s a declaration of renewal and an urge for a striving.

I love the short film the Famous Failure. Ironically, realizing now, I do not even have tried. Hui! Wake up! You should really have a think about your future and consequences. What on the earth should you do now!The alarm is warning.

Living in S.R henceforth

For a long time, living home which created a terrific comfortable living envirnoment for me has, on the contratry, been a nightmare for my academic life.  When I was home I've tried to read some books, done some researches, however everytime when I attempted to , I always had the ideology that why not browse  PP2 webs and download something like music albums, new opening movies or some little widgets ect. , I could hang them at the background which do not distribute my work. Everytime as I did so, I did much more cyber entertainments than I expected. When the days went fast, in retrospect, I did nothing really in sense. That's what I found out when summer time drain off. 

 Fortunately, I found a room at No.6 student residence. It happened when I was waiting on the dormitory application queue. A graduate student which I was acquainted with told me one of her lab mates wanted to quite his room at No.6 student residence and lives with his GF in the outside of school. I was so exciting at this information, and pleased her to ask  if he could leave the room to me. In the afternoon the response came through IM, he said yes.

So now I live in this room, and it may well be that this is an ab-fuck-solutely good chance for me to get rid of my nightmare.